Ep 153: ”Prioritizing People Over Content” Hosted by Julienne B. Ryan

Raphael Harry [00:00:00]:

Welcome to White Label american Podcast. This is a podcast that brings you bold, in depth interviews with interesting people that are mostly immigrants taking down artificial walls one story at a time. This is a podcast that empowers immigrants to share their stories and listen to those of others. Thank you for joining us.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:00:24]:

You.

Raphael Harry [00:00:31]:

Welcome. To another episode of White Label American. Thank you all for joining us today. And I am your host, raphael harry. I almost forgot that our cameras on this time. So I was just about to go on and I was like, oh, yeah, it's something different. So I am your host, Raphael Harry, and today's episode is going to be a little different in style, so I will let you all know why. So just before the end of 2019, I believe, December 17 to be precise, a good friend of the podcast and a good friend of my family, Julian Ryan, sat down with me and interviewed me for the first time on White Label American. So I was the guest, and shortly after that, whole world changed. And I'm not saying that's going to happen again, but don't blame it on me. Who just declared the pandemic is officially over. We decided to have a part two. This is the month of my birth, an awesome month. You got me coming out this month. We decided to have a part two. It's been a while and I'm honored to have my good friend again here with me. Little things. Few things have changed since we last sat down to do this. We said, why not do this again and see what has happened? What has happened since December 2019, since our last sit down? I don't know. You tell me. So, without saying too much, before I hand over the mic to our host for the day, I'll remind everyone listening, especially our new listeners and those out there, if you haven't given us five stars, please go out there. Give us five stars, Shelley, on Apple Podcasts and your favorite podcasting platforms. We appreciate that. We're an independent podcast, so we can use all the support that you can give. And also, if you want to take a love to another level, you can support us on Patreon for as low as $3. And you can buy our match@vetclothing.com. We have T shirts, we have mugs, we have stickers, and we have new things. If you see anything, if you don't see anything that you want, drop a message there. They see our boy over there. He'll get it for you. Just don't ask for anything legal. We don't do that type of stuff there. All right. And you can also give one time donations by buying us a cup of coffee. Go to www dot white labelamerican.com. And if you want to keep donating recurring donations, we accept that too. We don't have anything to give you for that, but we appreciate the love. And you can keep it coming. So, yeah. Thank you for the love and support and keep sharing with your friends, sharing on social media. We appreciate that. So without any more delays, let's jump into today's episode and I hand over the mic to our host of the day.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:03:58]:

Well, hello, everyone. I am so excited and delighted to be here and rejoining Raphael and the white label American podcast. And I have one thing to start by saying, look at you. When we did this years ago, you were at the beginning of the beginning, you had done a couple of episodes and now you've done 100. How many have you done?

Raphael Harry [00:04:21]:

I just released 149.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:04:23]:

Oh, my goodness.

Raphael Harry [00:04:24]:

On, Patreon. It's over 200.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:04:26]:

Wow. What an accomplishment. And then look at us. So much has happened over the last couple of years. Now, for some of you might be just listening to this, I'm going to just introduce myself and you may see the picture when Raphael posts the episode saying, what's a white blonde woman doing talking about African expatriates and immigrants? But that's the whole point. That's the whole point of this podcast, is to find new ways to show up, appreciate and respect other people's stories and the amazing gifts that Raphael has offered us in building community and connection, because his work made such a difference during the pandemic of giving us all a place to learn and show up and connect. So I'm going to face you and start hitting you with questions I've been practicing and thinking. So first of all, let's talk about when you started this podcast idea. You had an idea, as we say in my Queen's accent, you had an idea, but you didn't just think about it, you went for it. And looking back, I think that's an amazing thing that like we say in New York, you saw something and you did something.

Raphael Harry [00:05:44]:

Yeah.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:05:44]:

So looking back, what's the thing that you've learned the most about doing that?

Raphael Harry [00:05:50]:

It's a good place to start. I'll say what I've learned most is I wasn't wrong to have taken the steps. I think there was more steps I should have taken, like having invested in a bigger team and not feeling like I had to do everything myself.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:06:25]:

Sounds familiar.

Raphael Harry [00:06:27]:

Yeah. To that I probably should have done a little bit better on that. But I think the most important thing that I'm always proud of is that I did not allow the obstacles, in a way, overwhelm me because it's easier to still look back and say, oh, yes, because I didn't build a proper team or a complete team, I failed. And I can just give up and like, okay, go back and stop and start building a team and then start all over again. Yeah, but I did something that many people said, okay, they have a plan. And then they started. And I know people started who started before me, and then they stopped and some even refused to talk to me because it's like, oh, he's still continuing. I was actually looking up to you when I started and why you? And it's like, oh, some can't admit it, and I understand it's not easy. So it's something that we could all support each other in the journey, going together. But unfortunately, it's difficult for people to admit that, yeah, I made mistakes and it's not perfect. None of us are perfect. That's why I can admit now that I made mistakes. I can look back and say, oh, this was what I could have done better. This way I could have brought in a team. And that's why a team is important and all that. But I still moved. And I didn't just say, okay, this is the plan. I'll stay here and keep dreaming about the plan and okay, the plan looks great in my head. Yeah, okay. And then keep smiling. Just sit down at that spot. So I'm glad that I had a plan and I moved with the plan, and I also met the right people who encouraged me to initiate the plan in motion.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:08:31]:

I have some theories about why this has worked. First of all, you took distrustful things that you saw that was happening out there in the world, how your communities were being viewed, and you did something. You just didn't sit there and grumble to yourself, and you looked for an opportunity to do that. But you also did this podcast from a deeper place than just a marketing plan. And I think that's what comes across when you're chatting with you genuinely are interested. You'll be having those conversations with the people you talk to, whether you're being recorded or not. So it's not coming from an artificial place. And secondly, you love doing this. And it came out of a lot because we knew each other before that lots of stops and starts and beginnings. And then out of all that, sometimes it's a lesson for all. Out of the things that are not working and not making sense, we actually find what we're supposed to be doing. That's true, except it's like a rocky road for a long time.

Raphael Harry [00:09:29]:

Yeah. I was also very angry when I started because there had been a betrayal before I started white label American. And it was when you have someone that you trust, someone who you had built relationship with, and you seem someone who you look up to, but not like look up to, but you build a camaraderie with the person to the point where you start to overlook their shortcomings, for sure. So it's a love.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:10:07]:

Yeah. It's like a marriage of yeah.

Raphael Harry [00:10:10]:

From one of my favorite shows of the year, The Last of US, one of the discussions that we had on our Patreon episodes, we came to the conclusion that love is like the most powerful drug out there. And you start to overlook everything becomes you become blind to everything. And that was the type of relationship I had with this person. So when the betrayal happened and I accepted that this is a betrayal, there was also that push that the next thing I would do, I will do it better, and I'll be able to do it without him and show that I can do something without him. But that wasn't healthy for myself.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:10:53]:

Correct.

Raphael Harry [00:10:53]:

So it took me a while to admit that to myself and say, okay, there's a passion for this, but let that be the passion coming from myself for what I'm doing and not because I'm trying to own somebody who I don't really care about anymore. And it's not about me and the person, because there have been people who've reached out to me over a year or two like, hey, look at what the person doing. I don't care.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:11:16]:

Yeah, well, you just kind of let it go.

Raphael Harry [00:11:18]:

Yeah. So I had to let that go at one point because at first, I can admit it now that there was also that part of me that wanted to show that person, look at what I'm doing. It's far better than what you and I had planned. But I think if I had continued with that mindset, I would have bounced myself out yeah.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:11:39]:

And everyone else around you. And I think that's important to think about because a lot of things you're saying really resonates with me and probably with people who are listening and watching that when you stay stuck in that place, it's toxic and doesn't help your health mentally and physically because you're caring or all that. You think, oh, it's changing, but the body doesn't forget, oh, no. And it just hold on to that. Now, I think one of my expressions is look for the gift and look for the good, and what can you do with all that negative bad stuff that happens whether we intend or not intentionally, that comes towards us, and how can you play it forward? And I think that's what's coming through right now. So that is awesome. Now, I don't want to neglect somebody. You asked people for feedback when you posted everywhere about this episode was coming, and I went through a lot of the questions, and a lot were really resonated what I was coming up for. But there was one person I want to give a shout out, who I liked her question. It was Zenith Mellau. Do you know this?

Raphael Harry [00:12:46]:

Yes.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:12:47]:

You're getting a shout out, super listeners. Okay, super. So you deserve a super shout out. What was your New York moment, and what do you think about that today? And I'm going to sit here and take a sip of water.

Raphael Harry [00:13:02]:

I have multiple New York moments. The one that I usually claim made me officially in New York, that sped up the process from being a transplant to an official New Yorker was let me see, had been in New York for about two, three months. Not even up to three months. It was about two months. And I was working at Ups in Mace Bed, and my shift was about from 11:00 p.m.. At 09:00 A.m. So I left for the train usually around 09:30 p.m.. I try to get down and give myself a good time because at first, I didn't even know the route.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:14:01]:

There were a few times I know where you were.

Raphael Harry [00:14:04]:

A few times I took the wrong train. I went in the opposite direction. So the winter was starting to become winter, and that night when I was getting on the platform, I was putting on my Baclava mask, and I had the mask on. I just walked past the tongue style, and I was putting on the mask. And there was barely anybody at the station, and for some reason putting on the mask, I just kept walking. And it felt like the cartoons where you're walking on air, and then he's like, oh, oops. And I looked down like, oh, man. Yeah, I walked past the platform.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:14:46]:

I didn't walk off the platform.

Raphael Harry [00:14:47]:

I walked off the platform.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:14:48]:

Oh, my God.

Raphael Harry [00:14:49]:

So it's like, I'm dropping, and now.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:14:51]:

I'm dropping before that kind of cartoon. Okay. Yeah.

Raphael Harry [00:14:54]:

So that's why I said, literally, I did the cartoon thing. I knew I was working on air when I said and I looked down, and before I touched, I hit the the ground in my head. I was like, no, I'm not doing this. So I don't know how fast it happened, so fast. But 1ft was touching the floor, and I was spinning and just moved that quick back up and climbed out. And there were only two people on the platform this was closer to, so it's between 930 and 945, and one person was reading a book, and the other person at the other end facing the wall. So both of them never realized this happened. It was so quick. I went down and out, and I was so pumped adrenaline, that I was just like, wow. I went, wow, that was quick. I got spiderman moves. That's good. And I was onto the train arrived, and I sat down that everything settled. And I would write about it on Facebook. And my friends were laughing, and lucky one of my friends was in New York. He's like, I guess you're in New York. Because a lot of people who've had that experience like, oh, it didn't happen. They don't have a good tale to tell about it. But you.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:16:22]:

This is unique. If there's a list someplace of weird examples, this is a great question. Zenith. Thank you. Because most of the time, it's like when you're in a city and you're new and somebody finally asks you directions and thinks, you know, where places? That's usually the moment you hear when say, I knew I was a new Yorker or when you're jaywalking or giving directions to a cab driver, that is.

Raphael Harry [00:16:49]:

Something I was like, this has to speed me up. I've moved up the line. I've been bumped up because there's no way that happens to me, and I get to be at the back of the line with the transplants. You have to speed me up. You have to push me up. Yeah, I've gone up a notch. I've ended a coin so I can at least run for local office or something.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:17:12]:

We need to take a pause here for a second. We need to thank the US. Navy because he is a vet and for all that training, that get a bet. So whoever trained you back then that was embedded, those synapses were still firing up. And don't practice that on a regular.

Raphael Harry [00:17:30]:

Look up the keys. Don't try that at home.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:17:32]:

You know, my books there, you need to look up. We're going to talk about that later. Okay. So we're going to move on because I was not ready for that. Okay, so we did I had another question. What about your podcasting style developed, but you kind of told me a little bit about that. But is there anything you didn't touch on that you want to bring up about your podcasting style per se, when you're here, not talking about jumping off subway?

Raphael Harry [00:17:59]:

Yeah, my podcasting style, that's an interesting one. I think when I began actually, there's something I've been thinking about, but I'll get to that. Right from the beginning, I always wanted to do an interview format and a couple of people who influenced me in a way. So Ezra Klein was one of the first podcasts that I'd listened to, and I was like, I really liked where Ezra Klein talks to his guest. I'd had him talking to people because he's a political podcast. He's a very political guy. But there were people who he had on who you could tell that their point of views were totally opposite. So I liked how he tackled that. There's another interview style that I enjoyed, but I said I wasn't going to follow that format 100%. But it's European. It's in Germany. It's on Deutsche Vela. The conflict zone. And I was always fascinated by how he always countered. I guess in Europe it's different because in America, you wouldn't have not everybody from other political parties will appear on that type of program, but all political parties in Europe seem to just they know the guy. They know what his program is about. But if you ever show up there and you start lying, he just starts bringing he fact checks you right there, and they'll be going at each other. And I'm like, wow, this is fun to watch. Because he doesn't allow you to just come there and say whatever you want to say and then, okay, that sounds good now. So I was always impressed by his style. I always forget his name. I think he might be retiring soon. And even the person who's taking over from the gentleman. It's a woman. She has that fire within her. So I was always impressed by that. And then Trevor Noah, before he retired on The Daily Show. He's fantastic fan. His interviews, his interview format and the jokes side of it. So that's where I'm a funny guy. I knew I'm not going to be all strict with my style, so I was definitely going to I think that encouraged me to embrace my funny side. That was going to make people laugh. And then the black guy who tips as a husband and wife podcast, and they're very funny. They tell you that the comedic black couple, and they are as authentic as they come. They don't hide who they are. And that started allowing me embrace who I was and said, okay, if I have a guest who's the way they speak is going to be there's going to be caution and the way they speak, and they now start trying to cash themselves and they're freaking. I'm like, hey, come down, relax. Yeah, if that's how you talk, that's how you talk. I will allow you to speak like that. If somebody in the audience says, oh, I didn't like that person because they used five coarse words, I'm like, okay, that person might not be for you, but there will be another guest who might be for you. So I'll allow you to express yourself. Tell your story, but it's your story. Tell your story the way you're comfortable telling your story. That's the most important thing. But I will still interview. So I've interviewed an 84 year old man, and he cost once, and he was like, am I allowed to do that? I'm like, yes, sir, you're allowed. As far as you're comfortable talking that way if you're a young person who didn't cost one time, I like, people be who they are.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:21:45]:

So I liked a couple of things you said. Yes, you are funny. And the humor is truth. It's packaged a lot of times, and it lets us call out something and also disrupts listening sometimes and interrupts. So it opens a space to have the intelligent part. That happens because it's like shared irony. Something we share together is the best kind of humor. The other thing is about listening, that these are platforms to explore and do what I call story tourism. Like, you know, when you travel, you get to see things with a fresh light, and you get to see yourselves with a fresh light. Now, you might not agree with everybody, but if you can see respect and just hear for a few minutes, I think that's important. So I applaud you because that's a risk because a lot of times we're a resident and say, well, how this lands. But the other thing I respect with the person that you mentioned, the German host, fact checking. Yeah, if you're going to have an opinion, just don't throw it out there. This is the time for us to start embracing fact. There is a podcast that you will enjoy that I've gotten a chance to meet in an interview. He was out of Brooklyn. Now he's moved to Canada. Zev Shalev.

Raphael Harry [00:22:57]:

Zev Shalev.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:22:58]:

He is doing a podcast narrative is the name. A different narrative than the one I collaborate with. But he's a news journalist. He's won the Edgar R. Murrow Award, and he's done news, but he's doing podcasts and crowdsourcing. But he's researching, and he's on a mission to bring good journalism out there. So somebody to consider tackling tough topics and finding tough things to solve. So those are things. What about unexpected outcomes? You did this kind of go through the journey. Do the real in your mind of all these podcasts, anything unexpected that came out that you thought, wow, I never saw this coming with this whole podcast experience?

Raphael Harry [00:23:42]:

Yeah, there are a couple. One that will always stay with me was the first time I received an email from someone who saw one of my flyers somebody had taken. Then I made flyers, and a friend of mine shared the flyer somewhere, and I think one of them made it to somebody's office. And this gentleman who wrote him said he saw the flyer and he listened to an episode, and he felt seen after listening to the episode. And he sent me a poem that he wrote.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:24:20]:

Oh, wow.

Raphael Harry [00:24:21]:

I need to print that poem and have it somewhere. I'll have it in at least my bedroom. And he said he's a DACA recipient and this was under the Trump administration and things weren't looking too good for them, but he said it just made him feel happy. So I wrote back to him and asked him if it was okay for me to share the poem that he wrote on social media. And he said yes.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:24:49]:

Wow.

Raphael Harry [00:24:50]:

But I also invited him if he wanted to come on podcast and share his story with but he said he wasn't comfortable with that, which I said, I respect that. That's fine. And when I shared the poem on Instagram, a woman wrote to me and said, that's my husband. That's my husband. I recognize that poem, and that's beautiful. And little moments like that means something. And there have also been times when I can't remember the episode's number right now. But anyone who's listening, you know the episode. A good friend of mine, when he shared his story, he moved there during the pandemic. He was from Argentina.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:25:36]:

Wow.

Raphael Harry [00:25:37]:

Right. When he moved there, like, two weeks before New York went into lockdown. So that's a whole different he had only visited New York, like, he had visited upstate, but he hadn't visited the city. He hadn't spent time in the city before moving to New York proper two weeks before the lockdown. So he literally came here when it was a ghost town and to stay with his wife and baby. So it was a whole different for him, it's not new York is a different experience.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:26:14]:

Yeah. I can't even consider you think about it. But people did show up and they.

Raphael Harry [00:26:18]:

Were and he didn't have friends. He didn't have anybody. But when he mentioned he had been previously married and his previous marriage, his wife took her life and he was in the house when it happened. She had had some mental illness before, and unfortunately it got to the point where he was taking a shower when she took her life. Sorry, it gets a little bit dry, gets a little bit dark here. And when he started talking about that, I had to say, hey, man, we can pause the recording here. Are you okay to talk about this right now? Because I don't know where your no, I'm good. Your space is. No, I was talking to him oh, sorry, during the recording. And I said, are you okay to talk about this? Because I hadn't had this conversation with you before we began the recording. I knew you were previously married. I knew your first wife was late, but I wasn't aware of these details. So I don't know what your mental space, what space you are in right now, but I know for content wise, this type of stuff drives numbers. However, I'm not about just numbers. Without being mercenary, where are you at right now? Are you in the right space of mind to talk about something like this? And he said, oh, yes, we can still keep correcting. I really want to talk about this because I know what I've gone through. I know what I went through, and I'm happy to talk about this right now because somebody might be going through what I went through, and I want people to know that you're not alone. So he wanted to share the story, so it wasn't just about me say, oh yes, great content right now. People going to love this. I'm going to get 1000 downloads. And yes, which I could have easily done at that moment because that's like a gold mine that hits right there. But I was like, no, we have to pause right now and check on you first, because I didn't know this was coming. I didn't see this coming. So something like that, that was something that hits me from somewhere else. And it's a surprise, and there have been other surprises, but that kind of surprise was something that I still had to check on the person, like, amen, let's make sure. And he said when he gave me the go ahead, that he was good to go. I said, okay, then we can continue talking about it because, yes, I need numbers. I need more listeners. When you want to go as far as possible, you want to go as wide as possible. But I'd rather have that one super listener than have 1 million downloads. And then the person who came on the podcast is like, yeah, I felt used and I don't want that feeling.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:29:18]:

Well, this is important because we have gifts with social media and doing this, but it's staying true to values and to what purpose is it going to serve? And to your point, was that going to use it for selfish reason, just to make it sensational? But when someone shares the story, it is a gift and we have to trip. It changes both of us. We look at each other differently and it's something I talk about a lot in my workshops and work. It is something precious, what's personal. Now, I appreciate what you said about the person who wrote the poem. So here somebody it resonated with him, what you talked about, that that person felt respected and appreciated and then shared something even deeper from the heart. And it's all taking a risk in the vulnerability. But I do think that's what the live content does with the voice and the person, you get to have these moments of connection and take a risk, and we don't know. Like, I had visions of what today was going to look like, but you never know what's going to happen because it's that spontaneous moment of a conversation and how it evolves. And I think that's what we need to encourage people to do is take risks with each other. Do more listening than talking.

Raphael Harry [00:30:40]:

Oh, yeah.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:30:41]:

Big thing. Sometimes it's hard when we like what we're hearing about. We want to talk more and get excited. We were talking with the tech person here, Walter, before I was waiting for a raft to show up and we talked about food and you get excited and I could hear myself interrupting a little bit. But when it's important and it's serious is to do more listening, to appreciate and respect. You mentioned people that sometimes you don't agree with them, but if you can show them they've been heard and respected, you might get them to see things a little differently about you and assumptions that have been made and you don't see it right away, but something's cooking inside. I think we can make a difference and I think it's needed more than ever. I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but let's see what other questions I have for you. So thank you. Those are very compelling examples. And you're right, that was an intense topic. And it's not something that gets addressed. We're only starting to inch out and talk about it. Like in the area I live in, they're putting this garden in a town park and it's for suicide victims that are in the community. And you'd like to think, oh, that didn't happen here. It did happen. It's happening everywhere. So that especially after COVID with lack of connection and isolation and everyone living on their phones to have these moments to say, how can I help build community? And I remember. See, I listened to you the last time we did this together, where we were talking about his background, how he grew up in Africa, what informed him, where did he live, his school. And I remember you gave a very compelling example of one of the things you were responsible for, which was bringing water to either the family you were living or your aunties and how much work there was and how much of achievement, and you just described it visually. So, for the last few years, that always stayed with me whenever I'm watering my plants or something. But what I think is it's a good metaphor for back then, water is a life sustaining material, right? Obviously, when everyone knows that. But now you're giving people water of a different kind. It's the water of conversation and words and connections and stories. So you're still lugging stuff, but this is a different thing that you're accomplished so intuitively, you're still on the main mission. So you've answered one question. I said, what crass taught you the best lesson? Can I make an assumption here? It probably stretched you out of your comfort zone.

Raphael Harry [00:33:26]:

Go ahead.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:33:27]:

No, it did it yes. That was not.

Raphael Harry [00:33:34]:

Well, I don't think it stressed me out, my comfort zone, because I'll say more recent episode might have done.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:33:46]:

Go with them.

Raphael Harry [00:33:48]:

Also a good friend on the podcast, so he will listen to this episode, too. And Benny is his name. He was one of the first guests on the podcast for 2023. He was one of the first people I had reached out to when I wanted to start the podcast, because I'd known Benny for a few we had a relationship, and he knows the whole story of what happened before I started White Label American. But I didn't realize he was having a struggle. He was having his own battle going on. And back then, I had a time travel machine, and if you could go back and talk to the Raphael who was starting White Label American, like panicking over trying to get guests, he would have thought that, oh, Ben, him. Someone who I knew, someone who we support the same soccer team. We are at the same bars, watching the pubs, watching the game. He doesn't want to come on the podcast. And I thought this was one of the coolest people, like, why is he not coming on the podcast? He's like, yeah, I will, but just give me a few, and I'll let you know. And why is he not coming? Was he hiding from this? Feels like he's hiding there's something. And it was last year he called me, and he was like, hey, brother, there's two things I think I'm ready to come on the podcast. I'm sorry. I knew all this time, and I was like, but by then, I was already at a point where I'm comfortable. I'm okay with you finally saying I'm ready to tell my story. And I say that's fine, brother. First of all, how are you doing? I'm glad you called, but how are you? And it's like, oh, I'm good. I just got to tell you, man, all that time I've been dodging, I was suffering from an addiction. I had addiction problems. I just didn't know how to tell you. And I was like, you know what? I get it now. I'm glad that it wasn't something that I forced you to do, because I would have hated myself, because now there would have been a record of you being out there, and then I would have played a role in forcing you to lie, because that's not who you are. You would have come out here and then say, oh, this is and would have painted a different picture, and then I don't know how it would have contributed to what you were going through. So I'm glad that this is where you are, and I'm glad that you're open enough to tell me. And he's the type of person, if he was here right now, he would tell you. This is who he is. This is what he's been asked, why I can mention his name. And then he now has a podcast where he talks about addiction, too.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:36:40]:

For you, Danny.

Raphael Harry [00:36:42]:

Yeah. So it's so beautiful. And I'm, like, one of his biggest. I cheer for him all the time because he took me out of my comfort zone. That's the person that took me out, because I had to watch how even some of the jokes I made, which came from a good place, but I was like, yeah, okay. I can reward that. I can come from this angle instead of the other angle. And yes, and not like Benny was holding me responsible for certain things, but hearing his story, knowing our communities, knowing us as black men, black African men, knowing how a lot of us are sensitive to coming out and saying we.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:37:25]:

Need help, for sure.

Raphael Harry [00:37:27]:

And Benny was willing to be the first to come out and say, yes, I needed help. I needed to admit that this is not good. I'm like, yeah, I still drink. I don't smoke all the time, but I smoke cannabis once in a while. I know people who are addictive to that. So if I'm going to be around somebody who's going through rehab, then I don't have to know how I behave. I'm not going to come out and just be yelling and acting in a careless manner that can put someone else in danger. So I have to watch my own behavior. And so if I'm going to be around Benjamin, I always reach out to him and ask him, hey, man, are you okay to hang out with me? This is where I'm going to be. And he's like, oh, bro, thank you for asking. But it's fine. It's okay.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:38:18]:

That's respectful.

Raphael Harry [00:38:19]:

And I said, don't worry. I'm fine. I will ask you 1 million times, I will do it. It's fine. I don't care how many times I have to do, but I will, because I never thought about something like this. And I was talking to another good friend of mine who moved to the States, United States, about a year plus ago, and we've known each other since 2007, and I was breaking it down, explaining how some of us were having an argument over cannabis. And when I started explaining how, look, alcohol is a drug, but we are comfortable with that, and he said, yes, that's true. And I said, how many people do you know whose lives have been destroyed in our families from that? And he said, Well, I said, how many of us have family members have asked for help? And he said, okay, well, we only pick which side want to address and which side we are comfortable with. But we know which side has destroyed more people the most. The person whose name, who I brought up earlier, whose wife took her life, what led to the whole incident was her brother in Florida. Abraham lived in Florida himself and his family. Most of the kids the brother and most of his kids were run over by a drunk driver.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:39:38]:

Oh, my God.

Raphael Harry [00:39:40]:

And that spiraled from when she came for the funeral. She never recovered. And that is alcohol leading to something else in another person. So when we start the whole addiction, we don't even realize how it can spiral out. So all that has made me look at, okay, I'm still going to drink, but I'm just going to say if I'm with my friends and someone is like, I'm buying drinks for everybody. And someone says, oh, I don't feel like drinking right now. The person doesn't have to be in rehab, but the person just says, I don't feel like drinking right now. And someone says, Why are you not drinking? You're with men.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:40:23]:

Absolutely.

Raphael Harry [00:40:23]:

I'm going to say, hey, if the person says they don't want to drink, they don't want to drink, that's fine.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:40:27]:

Absolutely.

Raphael Harry [00:40:27]:

So stuff like that has changed me, and it's taking me out of my comfort zone. Just hearing one person made me look back and yes, okay, I have to change a whole lot of things. And it's changed even how I podcast wonderful.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:40:42]:

And so what I'm hearing you saying, too, is developing some patience and to get context and the backstory matter because we don't know what's going on behind the scenes sometimes with people and having that patience. And then the friend trusted you enough to share his story and trust you, whether he didn't have to come on the podcast, but then he trusted you to talk with you and to use it to educate yourselves and others. But it is a lot because I'm around that kind of culture sometimes where it was like, why you're not having a drink, why you're not doing this. Some of us can be happy without it, and they're just relaxing and enjoying, and it says more about the person. If they're so insistent, it means it's triggering something about them that they feel insecure about.

Raphael Harry [00:41:32]:

That's true.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:41:33]:

So giving people space and saying, and you don't have to tell everybody your business and your entire story sometimes just take it at the surface for many reasons. So lots of good learning and development along the way and then just appreciating that person's story. Now, the timing of when Benny finally felt he could speak, I always think the right story is going to show up at the right time. You're doing a speech. If you're doing a workshop, you're doing a podcast, and that you found other humans to go talk to in the meantime, and your own awareness developed. And then when the time was right, you had him as a guest at the I wouldn't say perfect time, but the appropriate time for the both of you. What's a question you would like someone to ask you, but no one does. You can write on the piece of paper, and I can ask you. You're probably waiting for years. Okay, we're going to have little Jeopardy music in the background while he ponders this question.

Raphael Harry [00:42:39]:

That's a good idea.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:42:40]:

Walter, you want to hum a few bars over there? Find the soundtrack?

Raphael Harry [00:42:46]:

That's definitely a good idea. Have some music playing while I ponder that question. Hi, everyone. If you're new to the podcast or a returning listener and you enjoy what we are doing here, did you know that you could enjoy more of our content and also support our work via Patreon? For as little as $3 per month, you get access to loads of bonus content that you'll find nowhere and be the first to latest news. Don't miss out. Go to Patreon.com White Labelamericanpod or just search for the White Labelamerican podcast on Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-O-N. Well, there are a couple of questions that are now mainstays on the podcast. Everybody gets those questions, and the answers that always come out are fascinating. They've introduced me to different worlds, and at the same time, they've connected a lot more guests than I expected. And it's just brought the artificial walls. It's shown how much in common people have. People have never met and might not have thought that they have a lot in common. So I always ask, what's the meaning of your name and if there's a story behind your name, or what is the story behind your name and what's your favorite childhood memory?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:44:22]:

I use those, too, and that's actually part of the narrative methodology. So you're on the same brain wave.

Raphael Harry [00:44:28]:

Those two questions, but I don't know if that's the one to ask. I don't know. What question do I wish people asked me in general? Because the New York One is fantastic. I like that one a lot. She's a super. Listen now. So she's kind of cheating. She's cheating. That's cheating. Let me see.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:44:59]:

You're going to think about this at three in the morning, but do not call me when you say, I've got.

Raphael Harry [00:45:04]:

This is one of those questions that will be staying with me forever and they're not there.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:45:09]:

You have other episodes you can riff off of this. Your work assignment, your writing assignment. That's a good sound. Well, I'm going to distract you now. Sometimes when you wanted to ask a question like that, the guidance is to pause. Yeah, but we're not going to do that. We're going to switch to something.

Raphael Harry [00:45:32]:

I'm stuck.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:45:33]:

Too much editing.

Raphael Harry [00:45:34]:

I am stuck.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:45:35]:

You're stuck? But sometimes if you want to bridge the gap, you can do a pause or you can distract somebody with another question that's a little less stressful food. So you gave me a good restaurant to go. I'm going to meet two longtime friends and people used to work with me. Right after I end this episode, after we eat and go down the street, that place I found. So food is always dear, the art, and it's such a good connection. So when you think of great connections, what's your favorite food to have?

Raphael Harry [00:46:13]:

Well, the place I'm sending to Bonbon Lake, also listen to the podcast.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:46:17]:

Oh, good.

Raphael Harry [00:46:17]:

They're good friends. My kid, that's like, her favorite auntie. She just goes there and she sees a new employee, like, yesterday, and she saw a new employee, so she was there was a staring contest because the poor young man hasn't seen her before. So she expects everybody to understand when she walks in there and she just stares at, like, Go get the owner. That's what she means.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:46:45]:

This is the guest coming in. This the customer.

Raphael Harry [00:46:48]:

So she was staring at him, and she had her favorite shades on. So she's standing there, and the poor young man started feeling to me there.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:46:57]:

Should I call for help?

Raphael Harry [00:46:58]:

Four year old standing. Hi. And she said nothing. Hi. Hello. Hi. I was like, she's trying to let you know. Call my auntie. That's what she means. And she's still staring at him. I was like this kid. Well, you're my kid. I know where you got that from. But it's okay.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:47:20]:

I know.

Raphael Harry [00:47:22]:

Yeah, I think Bombard Lake might be the place because I've had few friends over there. The Albi food square.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:47:35]:

I have to write this down. I'm sorry.

Raphael Harry [00:47:37]:

Yeah.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:47:39]:

Let no food source go undocumented. Okay.

Raphael Harry [00:47:44]:

Yeah. There's food from all over the world there, so it's another place. I've had many hangouts. So if people want to fight about what food we should have, that's a good fight.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:48:02]:

I've had that fight in many I'm like, well, countries.

Raphael Harry [00:48:05]:

There's German, there's Jamaican.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:48:09]:

Okay, enough. I'm starving already.

Raphael Harry [00:48:14]:

If you're neutral, you want to play the Switzerland rule, then you're like, all right, go fort and conquer.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:48:20]:

Yes.

Raphael Harry [00:48:20]:

And Chinese has everything there, so there's ice cream, too.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:48:26]:

Well, you're famous in other places because I had the occasion to be in France last year. My husband teaches and coaches, and his long term athlete from a couple of years ago got married in France. So while we were driving around Normandy, I found an African restaurant in this little village in France. And I commented on the music, I commented the food, and I mentioned you. And all of a sudden, like, great food. I'm sitting outside in the cafe. It's in the summertime. Enjoy. And then you talk about Auntie. Well, Auntie came out of the kitchen and gave me a big look and looked me up and down as only an auntie can do, and say, who is this woman that says she knows our music and cooking and unexpected. So they got a whole list of your podcasts and a few other people to say, you have family. This thing goes all over the world. Go check them out. And I think I sent you the picture of the place and everything, too. But you never know. Food is the big connector, and you learn about people. You learn about your name. And if you find I was recently at a potluck sitting down with a group of people, and they brought food that meant something to them, and the stories that came out of that table were incredible.

Raphael Harry [00:49:44]:

Yeah, that's another good one, too. Potluck.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:49:46]:

Yes.

Raphael Harry [00:49:48]:

I love potlucks where people love food, because I've been to potluck where people don't love food. Always weird to me.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:49:56]:

Don't be giving me little portions of like, well, even Walter. You got to check out Walter. He's talking about his aunties and making food and his wife cooking. I know he's off skiing. Chuckling over there.

Raphael Harry [00:50:07]:

Walter is good on food. But my first potluck in the Navy, I made good mitsu. I love goat. Well, my friend cooked because I was living the barracks. I got the ingredients, and my friend went to my friend's house, and he did cooking. And when I brought it, there was only, like, two people that tried it. I was like, goat me. Where you get goat me from? Oh, no, I'm not doing this. But my Senior Chief senior Chief, Nebraska still, I don't know if you can listen to this episode. He was born in the Philippines.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:50:47]:

Okay.

Raphael Harry [00:50:48]:

I don't have his contact, but, yeah, he just stood right down eating the whole thing. Oh, my God. You got go. Oh, my God. They became friends, apparently, because we went on good terms for a little bit, because I kept harassing him to send me to Iraq, Afghanistan. I knew he couldn't send me because I didn't have clearance. He kept asking for volunteers. My hand was the first of and he was like this I need a volunteer for Iraq or Afghanistan. And if I see Harry's hand up one more time, my hands up again, like, you can't do nothing to me. So my mom is not aware of.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:51:29]:

This story, but she probably oh, no.

Raphael Harry [00:51:30]:

I know this episode. Yes. Now. So she's like, what? Oh, my God.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:51:37]:

Speaking of mothers, that's another way. If you want to get adventurous in food, it's not sitting in a posh place. Gourmet food. You'd sit at somebody's kitchen table with some mother looking at you and making sure you eat the food. One of the first memories I have is in Jackson Heights, Queens. I mean, I was always eating my neighborhood, different places, but being invited to someone's apartment in Jackson Heights where a bunch of Cuban girls and the mothers at the other end of the table. Now I finally realized recently she was probably petrified that I was going to be this bad influence on her daughter. Not really. I was strictest house ever. But at first they were translating in Spanish for me and the mother would serve me heaping amazing food and ask me questions in Spanish, which are international for any mother out there. Are you a good girl? Are you going to school? Are you studying? Do you have a boyfriend? Don't get in trouble. Are you going to college? It was a grill and after a while they just ignored me because she would ask, do you want more food? And I go, no, I'm stuffed. And then you know what happened? Like another plate showed up. So it's home cooking is when it's made from the heart and it's that entry into I'm going to learn about you. So the CIA should have learned this a long time ago. At FBI, don't put somebody in a room and just quiz them. Give them plates of food. You get much more with some mother we dial down. My husband has a conversation with somebody. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't remember anything. Me sit there with food and cook. I know the whole life story in five minutes. Am I not right?

Raphael Harry [00:53:19]:

You're right.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:53:20]:

All your aunties and mothers are going to call up you. And she goes, that woman's wise. She knows what she's talking about.

Raphael Harry [00:53:27]:

I think if you watch the if you've seen the cop shows.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:53:32]:

Here have.

Raphael Harry [00:53:33]:

A little potential joke where if you see those 1st 48.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:53:39]:

Yeah.

Raphael Harry [00:53:40]:

And you see the suspect like, I'm not going to talk. I'm not talking. I'm confessing nothing as not. You see the McDonald. The cop brings a McDonald and there's soda and all that. Are you good? I entertain you good and all that. Yeah, but I'm saying nothing. And then there are burgers. This burger is good and the fries are good. Oh, yeah, the other guy shot the gun and I was not doing anything and all that. I'm not saying anything, but I'm just asking if they're treating you well. Oh, yeah. And someone else was running out of ATM and all you got to do is bring that.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:54:18]:

We've solved world problems. We've now figured it out. Here. New York. Let's call us. We'll coach you through the new methodology.

Raphael Harry [00:54:27]:

You don't have to do the bad cup, good cup thing. Bring snacks, bring the snacks and then just walk away and then come back five minutes later.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:54:36]:

You get a full confession and somebody's granny. They work you over. It's all about food connection.

Raphael Harry [00:54:47]:

That's how you get me too.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:54:48]:

I want to be on look, I keep saying this every time on a podcast. Part of my writing is going to torn to food.

Raphael Harry [00:54:54]:

Food.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:54:54]:

And then I can't food. I'm putting intention out there.

Raphael Harry [00:54:59]:

I can't visit any city and they don't have food. I visit any country I'm like where's the food? Where's your food?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:55:07]:

What's your local farmers markets? Best place?

Raphael Harry [00:55:10]:

If I show up there and people like no, we don't have any good food here. Okay, where's the airport? Okay, nice knowing you. I'll see you next time. Maybe in 100 years time I'll see you.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:55:22]:

I went to one wine tasting years ago. I had good fortune to been in Spain where the guy first looked at me and looked at my husband. I was like I don't want to deal with these people for this tour. Soon as he found out my husband is from Ireland, we found out he had done his student college years there. So that changed everything. The wine tasting, just 3 hours.

Raphael Harry [00:55:47]:

Wow.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:55:48]:

He brought plates of food. We had to sit on a bench outside the place afterwards and stay put because we couldn't drive. We could not drive. So we had to just wait for life in our blood to just keep moving. But that was one experience. And then I went to I'm not naming this place a wine tasting in the village. And I swear to you I came starving because my last memory was going to be cheese and meats and breads and oils. I had this vision of what I had experienced. And I get to village, it was like BioLab petri slides for test samples. And I remember thinking I'm going to die here. And it was like in a lab the way it was set up. And it was like how do you invite people over and have these little minuscule samples at 06:00 in the evening? Given lecard? I just was so upset. I was like what kind of experience are you trying to create? Yeah, food means something. You got to make it and you got to make sure there's a reasonable portion to share and then give them something to take home.

Raphael Harry [00:56:55]:

That's the best way.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:56:56]:

So we digressed a little bit, but I think we're on the same path.

Raphael Harry [00:56:59]:

Here for a good cause.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:57:00]:

Yes, of course. Anything that you are looking to take the podcast to and you in general.

Raphael Harry [00:57:08]:

In 23 and 24 I think I did a test run of one the Mother's Day recording.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:57:18]:

Okay.

Raphael Harry [00:57:18]:

I had three moms from three different countries, three continents. And I really enjoyed the recording. And at the end of they had never met each other before. And at the end of the recording, they became friends. They really enjoyed each other and they were like, oh, we should be friends. I was like, I had that thought before I started White Label American, to try a panel type of that'd be cool episode with a pick topic and find two, three immigrants. And I'm also a member of the Black Podcasters Association.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:57:55]:

I've seen that, yes.

Raphael Harry [00:57:57]:

And one of the new contacts I just met recently, she's a journalist, she showed me how journalists use social media to get contacts sometimes. And I was like, oh, I could have been doing this podcast as you can do it. Put out journal requests. And I was like, oh, okay. Why haven't I done this?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:58:24]:

Oh, I know what you're trying. I can't remember the name of it.

Raphael Harry [00:58:27]:

Yeah. Hashtag journal request. I tried Hashtag one day and I actually found a journalist who probably becoming on the podcast.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [00:58:38]:

Isn't it amazing? It's an act of brave life. I've had, like, Zev, I didn't know he had won all these awards. Otherwise I don't think it was brave. I was just reaching out because he had been coming out of Brooklyn and he was a journal. And I thought how he can have two narratives, all sharing storytelling. But then Dan Lyons was a Besseling author where somebody told me about what he was writing about, about digital communication, how we communication. So I was excited when he accepted my LinkedIn invite. And then I went next step. And I went, can you come on our podcast? And he got his PR firm to say yes. And you had to see me texting my Cohost, Jerome Deroy, like, look at your email, look at your email. Because it was such a leap.

Raphael Harry [00:59:24]:

I've had people digress little I've had people who I've talked to back on the continent, charlie, Nigeria. I want to start a podcast. I tell them, don't estimate LinkedIn, especially those who want to do interview style. And I've had LinkedIn since 2010. I never really used it. I just added people. And I'm like, I could have had countless number of guests from LinkedIn. And it's now that I'm just beginning to use LinkedIn. So I was talking to somebody who's now in Ghana, and I was like, a lot of things that you need, you actually already have it. But the voice in your head is telling you that you need so many expensive stuff and you don't really need all that. Now LinkedIn. LinkedIn? You can start a podcast with LinkedIn. You can start a podcast with some of this. They're making it easier for you, especially those of you who are not in the Western world like us. Take advantage of these tools that they are giving you and use it to your best. And then if you need other resources, grab it. And I don't know if they feel like. It sounds like I'm pushing them away. That's what they feel like you're doing. But I said, no, don't take it like that. I didn't realize that there's a journalist who she's on local TV here. And I was like, oh, I would love to interview this woman. She's Liberian. She has it on Instagram. And I was like, I don't think Instagram is appropriate for me to message on Instagram. And one day just, why don't I just type her name on LinkedIn? LinkedIn? I could have just messaged on LinkedIn.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:01:22]:

Come on, you're a trained Navy person. You're supposed to find things.

Raphael Harry [01:01:26]:

I know, but every other person like.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:01:29]:

Oh, I know, but sometimes it's hiding in plain sight.

Raphael Harry [01:01:31]:

It's just in plain sight and you don't see it.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:01:33]:

And you're like, I know.

Raphael Harry [01:01:34]:

Think about it.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:01:35]:

We've thought of it.

Raphael Harry [01:01:35]:

And I'll be asking our people, hey, can you treat you this person? Can you this person? Maybe that will work. Maybe that work. And all I could have done is just type a name on LinkedIn, send out her direct email is right there on our profile. Because some people write on their LinkedIn. Oh, if you want to contact me, contact me here or here. It's right there. Send a message there.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:01:54]:

Now cover your earphones for a second because I got to talk to the camera.

Raphael Harry [01:01:59]:

Okay.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:02:00]:

He used an example a few minutes ago that I suspect you might have had the same question in your head and the bubble over your head when he mentioned bringing three mothers on him. So my question is, have you had your own mother on the podcast?

Raphael Harry [01:02:15]:

Oh, no, I've thought about that episode. I would have loved to, but she moved back to Nigeria just before the pandemic.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:02:26]:

Oh, my goodness. She was here?

Raphael Harry [01:02:29]:

Yeah, she was here way before I moved to America. She had been coming here since the then she had my elder brother here. But we're not officially on the best of Thames.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:02:40]:

Oh, no.

Raphael Harry [01:02:41]:

However, it had always been my plan to have on the podcast. But where she lives in Nigeria, the internet and all that service, it's not the best. However, I'm still trying to interview her because it's still something that I don't know if I'll put it on the podcast, but it's something that I want to have on the record because there are questions I want to ask her as part of family history, because there are things that she's going to be 87 this year.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:03:19]:

Oh, it's time.

Raphael Harry [01:03:21]:

Yes. So there are some truths that she's now okay with telling, but.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:03:30]:

It can be just the two of you.

Raphael Harry [01:03:31]:

Yeah, but if there are certain people around, then it won't come out. So it's a little bit tricky. So that's why I wish I'd already started the podcast before she moved back. I already have the equipment with me where I'm still working on it. I might go to Nigeria this. Year still in the plans. If I go, I might just try and say, okay, you and I will talk for like 4 hours alone. Then, all right, I interview you and then you answer the question that I have. Then I pick out what I will release as a podcast. But if I still succeed, if I'm able to succeed and get her to come on the podcast, I can talk. Okay, so you see where that comes from when she comes on.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:04:24]:

I know you can talk.

Raphael Harry [01:04:26]:

Yeah, people, you all know I can talk, but it'll be obvious. When she starts talking, you'll be like, oh, okay, yeah, I see it now. And we do clash a lot and it will be funny, but you see, that the way I'm funny. Oh, yeah. I call her old school gangster. The clashes that we have, it's funny that she's not a Taurus, but it's like when we clash, it's like two Tauruses clashing. It's similar to that, but she's not a Taurus.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:04:57]:

Taurus, taurus.

Raphael Harry [01:04:58]:

Yes, like a Taurus, but she's sounded like something else. Yeah, she's July 8, but when she clashes, I'm like, okay, I choose route of peace, but that's where I'm at now. I'm like, okay, I walk away.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:05:28]:

So you have a clip that you can always pick out just for record since she's 87 and you captured some qualities. Here's your moment, even though she's not on, just a moment of appreciation. Now, you took a page from your other podcast saying you don't always agree with everybody, you don't always get along, but you always say you appreciate her. Say so what's one thing you can say about your mother right now? How she informed who you were today?

Raphael Harry [01:05:56]:

Oh, I mean the the fact I'm there's no me without her. It's as simple as that. I'm an Ejaman, and that came thanks to my mom. I was raised by my mom. If I was raised by my dad, I would have been some rich, but I never knew my dad. But he was mad wealthy. But part of the disagreement still comes from that side of it because I never knew him. And it was until he died and she knew when he died. I don't know if she knew when he was dying, but she knew when he died and then told me after a while later, it's like, oh, he died. I thought you knew how I know? But still, she raised me and I appreciate that, but I just wish that she brought me to America.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:07:01]:

I remember.

Raphael Harry [01:07:06]:

We'Ve laughed a lot. We've laughed a lot. And when we laugh, she gets my jokes and I get our jokes too. That's why I can call an old school gangster and she can black. I'm not gangster. When her friends are there and they're trying to say some stuff and I just blind and I just start making fun of all her friends, oh, she's going to be like, oh, she's going to start rolling. And you know my friends like this, but have you hung out with all of them? I'm like, I know I've hung out with you, kind of thing. She going to be like, hey, this boy, I thought you were my handbag. I'm like, but you used to call me your handbag.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:07:52]:

Really? I think you said that.

Raphael Harry [01:07:54]:

Called me a handbag once in a while. And then I'm like, for everybody else I know, there's some crazy metaphors that come up, handbag, and then you got grandkids. What are your grandkids going to be called? Felicia I don't know, but good luck with that. But I appreciate my mother. She had to be away from me for a couple of years, and I think that affected the whole affection and things, a lot of things in the way we express love to each other. But that doesn't mean I hate her. I can't hate my mom. No, love is a different conversation. But I always appreciate her, and one thing is that I'm always happy that she got to carry my daughter before she went back to Nigeria. They do have their conversations when they chat on the phone, which is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, because my daughter I want to talk to Grandma Amelia. And they call.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:09:01]:

Different relation. It's amazing.

Raphael Harry [01:09:02]:

They talk to each other. Next generation, they have their conversation. It's funny. They speak, and I just you know, I wish that I know I've seen I've seen the good days, you know, I remember the good days with my mom, and I will cherish that. And I know that now it might not look like I'm a good child, and I hear that a lot, and I know why it's said, and I've made peace with that, but I know what it's like when she remembers the good side, when our relationship was on the good terms. So I know it can go back to that, but I know why she won't go back to that. So I've made peace with it, and I appreciate what she did for me, but on a bigger but I think the biggest thing that she's done, which makes her a hero, is that she advanced a lot of our tribal people, or she's like a bigger hero for our tribal people. Sally people from our part of the Ejo region, because she was one of the first people, not just women, to advance educational wise, and it led to her not being accepted, led to her being ostracized in a way, because she was a woman. She wasn't born in Nigeria. She grew up in Ghana. So even up till now, her accent is not Nigerian, it's not Ejoy's, it's Ghanaian. So anytime she speaks Ghanaian is nobody excited. They run to her. So a lot of these clashes that we have with her right now, it stems from all that because she was always fighting to be accepted. So I'm like the casualty. I get her always trying to be accepted by people who will never accept her. So I get it. I've made peace with it. And if I will never get that love that I was looking for, that's fine, but I'm okay that she loves my child. Like, oh, no, we never tolerate that from I'm like, no, because you won't understand the struggles that somebody who's always fighting to be accepted by their people has to go through. And she without her, there are over 100 people who, without my mom, wouldn't have gotten through their education. She got people through primary to high school and college.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:11:58]:

Wow.

Raphael Harry [01:11:59]:

And the jobs that they have in government, the placement, military, all that in Nigeria. But she never got the benefits. She never got to reap that benefit. So it's like, I'm the one who should have made her reap the benefits, in a way, and so that all those things lead to clashes, and I'm like, no, the government that you serve should have given you the benefit, not me. I'm not the government.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:12:23]:

I understand. I hear what you're saying.

Raphael Harry [01:12:25]:

Yeah, all those things. That's why I still rank high. But I don't have to love if the clashes come, all I do is, okay, I hear where you're coming from, and bye. And I walk away.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:12:42]:

There are a lot of different types of love.

Raphael Harry [01:12:44]:

Yeah. So I understand and stuff, but I still make sure she sees her grandchild. They have their chatting and communication.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:12:55]:

She's your ambassador.

Raphael Harry [01:12:57]:

Yeah, I laugh at one. I mean, they kind of laugh because I've told you guys I'm funny, but my daughter is funny. She's funny. They're both having a what? They are having that conversation. I'm like, I don't know what you all are talking about, but it's funny.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:13:10]:

You can't record them just not for the public, but just for yourselves to say for her when she's older, to hear what she was like in that wonderful time period of her life, because.

Raphael Harry [01:13:19]:

There's no like, I want to talk to my grandma. Give me Grandma Amelia. And they're like, Grandma Amelia, what are you doing? Grandma, I took this medication. I'm so tired. I'm like, well, you explain it. You explain that to a FOIA.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:13:30]:

I don't know.

Raphael Harry [01:13:31]:

She knows what you're talking about. She's rambling about this one.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:13:38]:

The perfect conversation.

Raphael Harry [01:13:41]:

I'm chilling in one corner like, yeah.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:13:43]:

I love you, but that's special.

Raphael Harry [01:13:45]:

But whenever I still have hope that I'll be able to record something with her before she eventually leaves this Earth, and I'm still talking to my nieces and nephew who are around her. I've sent them the equipment, too. If everything works out, I'll just give them questions to ask her. Ask a grandma.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:14:13]:

And sometimes that maybe will come in a different way, too. So don't let too much time because I know a lot of times it's on our list of things to do, and people get older in there. We don't have them. So that's one thing. And any pod guest, if you had if time, money, resources went out, who would you like to have on this podcast? Like, who would be your dream guest? Besides me, of course.

Raphael Harry [01:14:43]:

Well, I got a couple of people coming, but.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:14:47]:

Set an intention out there. Let's go big and bold.

Raphael Harry [01:14:51]:

Oh, I love Idris elba. Trevor noah steal them.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:14:55]:

Yes.

Raphael Harry [01:14:56]:

Number one, try to get that. Now he's no longer on The Daily Show. You have time. Trevor Noah you have time. Come here. Come here and sit down with me for as long as possible and then sponsor the show, too. You can do that. You got all that money from The Daily Show.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:15:17]:

But from a good way. He's smart, funny. He's a bridge maker. He's incredible. And I've learned more about his backstory is like, he's listening to him and finding out what incredible. And also the people who oh, God. I'm blanking on the person who said invited him over just took risks.

Raphael Harry [01:15:37]:

Who invited him over?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:15:38]:

I know it. I know I'm going to feel terrible. He was his predecessor.

Raphael Harry [01:15:43]:

Oh, John Stewart.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:15:44]:

Yes.

Raphael Harry [01:15:47]:

I met John Stewart a couple of times. He recognizes well, he might not recognize it now anymore. But a quick story there. I do volunteering with the mission continues. And 2017 or 2018, I had to give a speech at a fundraising for the mission.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:16:12]:

All right, forget it. We're not going to do math.

Raphael Harry [01:16:14]:

Anyway.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:16:14]:

It was a while ago.

Raphael Harry [01:16:15]:

It was 911. Fundraising for the mission continues. So they asked me to give like, six minute speech. And I was like, yeah, I'll go do it. And they're like, yeah, you're going to go before John Stewart? I was like, oh, wow, okay, no pressure. Just give your military story. Just something simple, sweet. All right. I'm like, my military is not, like, crazy. But anyway, I did my theme and got a few claps, and John Stewart goes next. And like, how am I going to follow this guy? So after the show, it wasn't breakfast theme. I want to get a photo. I want to get a photo with you. I'm like, oh, man. But he was really a small dude. I was like, wow, on TV you look big, but he's small. And we're about the same height. And we shook hands and I got a photo or two.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:17:04]:

Wow.

Raphael Harry [01:17:05]:

And after that, he came to another volunteer event that we had when he saw me was like, you're going to give a speech today? Because I can't do that again. I was like, why? I still remember that. And then a second time, we met a game in the Bronx. He came with a group of firefighters to another event. And then after he gave a speech, then he saw me like, he going to give a speech, too. I was like, man, this guy going to keep saying this every time he sees me. So that became a running joke.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:17:33]:

Well, what a great thinking prompt.

Raphael Harry [01:17:36]:

He still remembers my speech or my speech giving. That's also something that kind of, in a way, encouraged me to do the podcasting. Like, yeah, if John Stewart can applaud my speech, why can't I do a podcast and other strangers won't applaud me? I'm a stranger to John Stewart.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:17:56]:

You opened for John Stewart?

Raphael Harry [01:17:57]:

Yeah, I opened for John Stewart. Yeah. I never said it that way, but I should put that on my media kit. I opened for John Stewart.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:05]:

Give him pause. Give him pause. I feel like I could sit here all afternoon with you.

Raphael Harry [01:18:11]:

Yeah, me too. But I know you should soon start wrapping up.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:14]:

Yes.

Raphael Harry [01:18:15]:

We got a few more minutes.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:16]:

Okay. Yeah. See how much we can pack in.

Raphael Harry [01:18:19]:

All right.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:19]:

That's what happens when you talk to a New Yorker like you pack into a subway. We can get a lot of information in a short period of time. So we learned a lot today. I learned more about you. New stories, new things.

Raphael Harry [01:18:33]:

Yes.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:34]:

All right, so this is like a front-stoop moment. Can we teach them what that is about?

Raphael Harry [01:18:42]:

What is that?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:43]:

If you read my book, you'll know that in any of my articles I will.

Raphael Harry [01:18:48]:

Read the book right now. You want to tell them about the book?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:18:50]:

Well, I'm going to talk about front stoop moments first, and then I'll show the COVID of the book. So I wrote a book based and started as a speech when I had to talk to a whole group of people and panic because I was going to talk about digital communications, those phones and how we had turned into a headstand living in a bubble species because all we were doing is looking at these and walking around. And when I was asked to do the speech, I thought the group I'm going to talk to at this conference was going to be 200 people in a room down a hallway off to the side. That's not too bad. 200 is not bad because you can still mix and mingle. Till a friend of mine who was also being a big speaker at this conference said, did they not tell you what the scene is going to look like? 500 people, senior executives, big stage, Uber screens. Wow. Yeah. So the inner Queens girl, which was I was born in Brooklyn, raised in Queen's voice, went, oh, my God, what are you going to talk to these people about? They're going to look at this short little blonde person on the stage and go, who is she? Why is she here? What am I going to learn from her? But that was the best gift I ever had, because I started to say in my inner Queen's voice, you got to keep it authentic. You got to show up as you are and just be who you are. So I did a humorous routine for 40 minutes with no mean feat. Every other person in that conference was giving PowerPoint presentations where they actually see what they're going to say next, to talk to the audience. And you know what? People looked up and they start to connect with each other. So fast forward. After a couple of years, I realized there was a book in it because we hadn't figured out how to talk to each other yet. We're learning every day because it's a practice. Every time we think we're good with somebody, we run into somebody else that challenges that. So a book came out of it, and during COVID when everything shut down, I was like, if there's not a time to take those 68 draft versions of your book intro because what worked on the stage did not work on the page, it was time to get to the land of finish. So with some collaboration, with a lot of rethinking about how to read, and I owe a lot of people some thanks who helped me rethink how I had formulated it, it got to the land of Done. So if you can pick the book cover up, it's the longest title on the planet, and it's for the Tiniest book, but it's the learned in Queens Communications Playbook winning Against Digital Distraction. If you say this title five times over, your breath capacity will improve immensely. But it really shows. It makes a joke about how we get into problem with our communications, especially with the digital, and some good things we can do to get out our own way. And it's done with humor. A lot of pictures and quotes, not a lot of reading because it's short, little mini vignettes. And it is inspired by Queens because the more I start to look at what I learned in Queens like we were talking with Walter earlier, the different nationalities, we had to kind of translate and figure out what people were talking. I grew up first generation American. Nobody around me was around this country for that long. So we always trying to figure things out. And then slowly but surely, a book and a speech came about that was really down to earth. And it's like having a conversation. And you also get to learn how to speak with the Queen's accent because I have a glossary in the beginning of how to pronounce things. So one of the guys that helped me reformat how I wrote the speech said, it's not a speech anymore. You got to think like a book. They're in Ohio. They spoke very good English, very nice, educated English. They all were practicing the queen's accents. Totally corrupted people speak patterns out there because they would sit at the dinner table and practice to make sure that it sounded right because they were reading the things to see if it would flow. So that book is also a lesson on collaboration. Having fun and then, like your podcast, it helped me appreciate my experience, and it was a game-changing experience, because now do I worry when I get to do speeches? Of course, or do workshops, but I show up at my office, and everybody is seeking that, I think inside them appreciate it for who they are.

Raphael Harry [01:23:25]:

The book right now, it's only in paperback.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:23:29]:

You can get it as an ebook. Right now, it's only on Amazon as an ebook. As an ebook or hard copy. Like, you can print it out and order it and get it delivered to you. They're very quick. Amazon's amazing in that way. And then sometime in the fall, another version is coming out where there's a workbook and reflection pages. Okay, but don't let that hold you up. And then, as I said, I do speeches and coaching sessions about how we use our voice without raising our voice. So we build what we have naturally happened here and even over to the off-the-camera view, community communications, and use our stories. So you start to appreciate yourself and then start to connect with other people. And that's the secret medicine of wellness that we're going to use to change how we're living and working together.

Raphael Harry [01:24:24]:

All right. Do you have plans to have the book in audio format?

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:24:31]:

I would like to.

Raphael Harry [01:24:32]:

Okay.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:24:33]:

Yeah, that's been suggested a few times to do it.

Raphael Harry [01:24:38]:

I know a couple of friends who swear by audio style.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:24:43]:

I know it's another thing I got to do, but right now, I'm trying.

Raphael Harry [01:24:46]:

To get the since you have the queen's accent going on, I'm like some people might find that really easier to follow as an audiobook.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:25:02]:

Okay. All right.

Raphael Harry [01:25:03]:

Just something to think about.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:25:05]:

I know I have forward actions now out of this, and you have forward actions, too. We have homework assigned to us.

Raphael Harry [01:25:13]:

So one last question. I'll throw it your way. A couple of guests and friends have suggested that I'm long overdue to have written a book based on my podcast experience. And I've been like, at first I was like, well, I got a book about but a lot of people have thrown you seem to be in agreement because you went straight to yes. And I was like, should I continue asking this question? Well, I guess you already answered the question, but what do you say to that? How would you advise me to go about writing a book for someone who had long stopped giving up on writing anything? Because I've had comic book illustrator, the fantastic Mr. Sanfon Green saying I should have created a comic book from white label American podcast.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:26:19]:

Why not?

Raphael Harry [01:26:22]:

Okay.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:26:24]:

All right. We're going to have a throwdown because we're going to have to hold each other. Okay. Accountability. Another thing. Shake my hand. All right. Now, you're so excited right now. But listen, if you're thinking about a book because it started as a speech, it went a little differently because I used big slides, I used pictures and I thought, oh, how hard could it be to write a book? I've got all the nice pictures. A friend helped me work with Chad Spader and I had the outline and I had to rethink it. That's why having a person who actually knows what they're doing is a big thing to have. Well, you can do it a couple of ways. Some people start with blog posts where they start to do stories in vignettes, so that could be something. So it's smaller, sound bites. You could do a mental download one day when you're hanging out on the park bench watching a kid on the swing and do ten moments in your life that you would like to capture and start doing blog posts about that. Okay. Or ask people what they want to hear from you and then figure out what the point of your book is. Mine was about getting people to talk. I spent way too much time with lawyers. I used to watch people not communicating. I watched my own family situations. So it's like, what do I want people to do afterward? And it's basically look up and listen and just be a little more patient. So there's always a theme, but I will talk offline too. And then writing groups help because they hold you accountable. Have you written anything so you're like I did a lot of other things?

Raphael Harry [01:27:56]:

I can swear by that.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:27:59]:

And I'm going to interrupt, break my own rule. Some people do record. I try that. But my translations came out. I think I was in the early days of translations, which is surreal. It wasn't keeping up with me. It doesn't help if you talk with your hands, the translation, but you can put in your phone, just put an idea or quote down and start a little bit by little bit, right? How'd you do your podcast? You said it's one step at a time. When we don't overthink to things, it really does help. Right. Put your daughter in charge. I think she's got some good management skills from what I've seen.

Raphael Harry [01:28:41]:

Okay, that's the end.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:28:44]:

It's a wrap. All right, listen, we've got a lot there's always more to talk about. I'm starving. We're going to go find food and then I'm going to find food, more food, and reconnect with my Haitian experience, too.

Raphael Harry [01:28:58]:

All right? So thank you again, for absolutely doing this. I really appreciate you and please let the audience know where they can find you and how to get in touch.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:29:08]:

All right, so it's Julianne. It's spelled like the cutting. J-U-L-I-E-N-N-E. Ryan middle initial is B, as in Bernadette. You can find me on LinkedIn. You can find me@jryanpartners.com. The tagline for that is to be engaged at work. But I work with professionals. I work with organizations to show how they can communicate using stories and build soft skills so they can communicate with each other more effectively and be more productive. And I also work with one on one clients because when we develop our voice, it's not about being a thespian. It's about appreciating our gifts and our talents and then being able to reach out to others. So I am encouraging people to learn how to use their voices. They don't have to raise their voice and develop healthier, more positive relationships with others. And I'm excited. And here's a great example of somebody who does that naturally. Cheers. So hurry up and do another 100 episodes so I can come back.

Raphael Harry [01:30:09]:

Oh, sure.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:30:09]:

All right.

Raphael Harry [01:30:10]:

All right.

Juliane Ryan aka Jules [01:30:11]:

It's a small ask. Okay.

Raphael Harry [01:30:13]:

It's just a small ask. All right. Thank you, everyone. Don't forget to, like, subscribe, and share this episode with your friends and loved ones. And, yeah, hit us up on patreon. Support us and yeah. Thank you for the privilege of your company. See you at the next episode. Thanks for listening to White Label American. If you enjoyed the show, please give a five-star review on your favorite podcast app. You can follow the show on all social media platforms. Visit the White Label American website for links. For donations, episodes, feed back guests, matches, and newsletters. Don't forget to download the free White Label American app on the Google Play store and Apple. Coming soon. Thank you for the privilege of your company.